By current conventional standards both of my sons qualified for speech, occupational and physical therapy and I gave them none. Both walked at a ripe 17 months, my older son did not speak sentences until well after 3, my younger son, age 2, communicates exceedingly well with signs and gestures but has not uttered a two-word phrase or even an “appropriately” formed word. Barring outstanding medical concerns, I believe in letting children progress in their own way and pace, modeling behavior while respecting the innate development of a child as an autonomous and purposeful creature. I believe that children, like adults (and perhaps better than most adults?), generally know what works for them.
Although the “delays” my sons displayed can be markers for autism, autism-spectrum disorders or developmental delays, I trust my intuition and I trust our pediatrician. My kids are fine.
Share. I go nuts when I am at the park with my kids and parents hover over children, alternatively scolding them for not sharing toys with my kids and scolding my kids for not sharing with theirs. Here’s my deal: when my kid is done with that toy, they’ll give your kid a turn, and if your kid is not done with a toy, my kid can go ahead and wait, even if they throw the tantrum to end all tantrums about it. My husband and I learned this philosophy from an amazing educator who taught the “Parent & Me” classes we attended with our boys. She promised us that if we modeled sharing by focusing on the feelings a child exhibits when they want something desperately, our child would learn to share from the heart: instinctively, compassionately, generously. In much the same way as we learned to model sharing, we model manners. Before our sons were old enough to do so spontaneously, my husband and I would say “water please” when our sons needed water, and we would say “thank you” when they got it. As our sons got older, there were a handful of times when family members clearly expected a “thank you” for a gift, and I was very tempted to whisper, “Say thank you!” But we have stayed the course and our older son now remembers with just a gentle nod from us if he forgets.
Excel. Yes, you can teach your 2 or 3 year old to recite alphabets, learn colors and shapes and songs and dances and poems by heart, but is this really what a child needs? I’m not saying it’s not fun to teach your children things, but if not for the standards of our dominant educational system, is there any inherent value in a child knowing colors as soon as possible? Letting children achieve on their own time frame and in their own way works for us. We feel that we are letting the true desires of our children develop. People are often shocked when they see what our children don’t know, but our sons are healthy, inquisitive, curious, fun, gentle, and thriving. I have heard people say that those who force their kids to share, be polite, and excel on adult terms are really just creating children who are monkeys, imitating behavior without independently experiencing it or really understanding it. Well, for a lot of reasons, from my childhood to my doctorate, I believe strongly in conscious, child-centered parenting. The spokesperson for the Holistic Moms Network and a certified lactation educator, Bialik is writing a book about attachment parenting, and she has two sons, Miles, 5, and Frederick, 2.
